Why is it hard to let this friend go?

Me and my friend from 2007 have had countless huge arguments mostly started by me which stemmed from jealousy and rejection. I actually at one point became attracted to her and came on to her. We never did anything and she got into a relationship. I think deep down i felt that if i cant get with her ill just hate her. I am bi but i am not interested in dating females it just sexual attraction. I wanted what she had. the body, the life, the family and her personality. She was laid back and secure. Now, she wont say it right out, but she doesn't want to be friends and I know it. She said she cant completely shut anyone out of her life so we can still talk here and there but we grew apart. It really came very sudden but i think she felt this for a while now. She is the ONLY friend i GENUINELY didn't want to part ways with. I've lost COUNTLESS of them over the years for very minor things and some just stopped talking to me with absolute no motive. I hate that! I wanted to keep her around though and i text her every chance i get knowing she doesn't care for our friendship anymore. This is out of character for me i have A LOT of pride but with her i don't. I am not stuck on her sexually i really do just want us to be best friends. When we WERE friends i still felt like I wanted us to be closer and it never worked out. What should I do??